How can one select funeral songs that truly celebrate the essence of a loved one’s life while providing comfort to attendees?

A funeral band .

I think a funeral band is a good idea. Anyhow to your question . - the old rugged cross, amazing grace, He walks with me, bridge over troubled water, blue eyes crying in the rain and depending on age or preference -dancing in the sky , whiskey lullaby, hard to say good bye ( Boys ll men) tears in heaven ( eric clapton ). Just ti name a few . Im sorry the answer was so long ,i was tryna add a lil levity to a serious question at what might not be a good time for you in your life right now.

This is where it gets hairy . In our celebrations some times some of us become a lil too festive ,while others will bring up some things in the past that mght start a fight , some have things theyd like to say that they couldnt at the wake or burial , sort of an impromptu eulogy, ,some have stories and some just get too plain drink and wanna fight .

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I think its beautiful . People get to together to support the family and mourn the passing but also celebrate the life of the deceased .

. I wish i could tell you how things turned out but i had to draw the line . Beer , whiskey , weed , iron maiden , booty popping , i had eniugh . I had to work the next day.

Well , its not really the best idea to just keep that in . I know maybe they've probably been crying for the few previous days and one wonders if theyre beginning to move on already .

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The daughter of the deceased got into an argument with a cousin ,they had just begun drinking . Following the melee, as things began to calm down , The neighbor , came outside and began to complain about traffic blocking his driveway and the noise .

So ,as is a normal everyday occurence here, we turned up the music and told him the go inside we were “ having a fuckin’ funeral, go yo ass inside “. Things began spiralling faster. .one of the main participants in the fight , the son in law decides to be dj a little while and decides that“ iron man “by black sabbath is “ just a song “ .so somehow in my attemot to calm him down and get him away from the music equipment ,he and i and about 4 others were standing behind the building smoking a joint . Not out of sight , but not advertising . It could still be smelled by everyone and it was not really frowned upon . Apoarantly , I was not he only one there who took offence to heavy metal played at a funeral . His youngerst thought it appropriate to play master P which by the time we had a nice talk( and joint ) to calm the son in law down, morphed into a booty popping contest

It would keep the funeral/ party celebritory , but respectful . It would let everyone just pull down the guards they put up and cry it out because tears are theraputic .

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That way he doesn't have to go and tell the story 100 times and you arent stuck in a corner with uncle Fred saying “ yep, your dad was a good man , did i ever tell you about the time ….”

The funeral band can control whats being played so things dont get out of control . They would play a mixture of some of the deceased favorites , ( within reason) some hynals and some real tear jerkers that evegyone knows

Now, i know it sounds goofy or dumb or just like a bad idea ,but hear me out .

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

We all know that some people are very proper in public and are devoid of public emotional displays. So they will bottle up that emotion . Sorta like going to someone’s mom” s funeral and they seem to be comforting others more than the opposite way around , because they are so composed .

In our community ,like most around here , we mourn the passing by holding a wake for 1 or 2 nights before the burial . Also like most, we hold a big dinner for the deceased . Sometimes the question is not “ how did he die ? “ or “ did he suffer ? “ the quesrion and or response ( because its already known before the formal arrangements are made) is “where y’all gonna make the dinner ?“. Some have even rented halls outside of the church and funeral home .

Then things began to spiral out ofcontrol .

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Has anyine been over a parent’s death in a few days?Never ,if they loved them and a lot, lot longer if they lost them tragically before their time . Sometimes , it takes years before ust the thought of that parent doesn't cause them to tear up.

Now , for an aunt of mine there was music in the church , almost . I realy ,really used to like Whiskey Lullabye by Brad Paisley and a female country singer ,who im sorry i forget because i couldn't imagine anyone doing it any better than she does. But it was played about 30x in a row . Its a beautiful song but i think you could pop me in the face with a stack of hunded dollars bills but after about 25 times it gets old .

I also attended a funeral that was more traditional to my family and this more than the other gave me the brilliant concept of a funeral band .

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Of course they arent . This is the biggest part of life for most of your life and now theyre gone .

The role of a funeral band wiuld be to quell the fighting . To properly address any noise complaunts , allow those who want to say sonething about the deceased a couple minutes with a time limit and a microphone do everyone can hear the story

So at my dads cousin's funeral this was the case . My dads family are all heavy drinkers ,thusly so were his cousins and their kids . So at the dinner things began like any funeral dinner but the party afterwards had become a lil more loud than the usual bayou family funeral .

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I'm glad you asked this ,but since no one else i know seems to think its a good idea , ill share it here .